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枫下拾英 / 乐韵书香 / 知道这里音乐和歌词高人多， 现写了一首歌词，是个音盲，借问各位有否前景，请Blur, 伪劣等板砖，你们知道我，素来不怕的说。。。
-annayin(??);
2005-3-1
{551}
(#2152033@0)
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哈哈，Cool，你知道吗，英文歌是最好写得，而且什么旋律都可以配唱，因为英文本身没有音调。你的歌好可爱，可以考虑弄成儿歌什么的:)
-blur(不安的流星，何时坠落);
2005-3-1
(#2152079@0)
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她还写过一首很好的歌词。不过找不到合适的配乐和人来演绎，有点可惜。
-haha168(夜雨行路人);
2005-3-1
(#2152103@0)
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In your view, to write a song must have the music first or the words? This is not for 儿歌 for sure. I may write another for kids. Thanks.
-annayin(??);
2005-3-1
(#2152110@0)
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其实我第一遍看的感觉也象儿歌，或者是teenager的歌。再看一遍，还是不知道成年人要用什么情感去唱。
-x888(做好国人，上班不唰网);
2005-3-1
(#2152119@0)
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That I have no idea since I have no sense of music. But I felt it could be a good song.
-annayin(??);
2005-3-1
(#2152130@0)
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写歌先有词还是先有曲有点像先有鸡还是先有蛋，但都没有关系，先有词的最后词可能会有改动。
-blur(不安的流星，何时坠落);
2005-3-1
(#2152240@0)
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11, this is supposed to be a love song, u blind...hahaha
-expertune(伪劣);
2005-3-1
(#2152116@0)
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I only have some love inside my heart when I was a child so.....I call it儿歌。
-blur(不安的流星，何时坠落);
2005-3-1
(#2152248@0)
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写得好。我觉得类似 Back Street Boy 的基调可以配合这个歌词。我很喜欢听原创歌曲，大家加油。
-haha168(夜雨行路人);
2005-3-1
(#2152089@0)
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When I listen to Bressanon 's wolf, I wrote this....I feel some melody inside as my another one "Such a feeling", originally I felt it as singing.
Thanks. I am a little serious of this song, I hope it really could make a song.
-annayin(??);
2005-3-1
{177}
(#2152121@0)
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First of all, I am not "高人" at all. :-) amateur only. I don't write a lot, or should I say, I can't write good stuff.Anyway, here's my 2 cents:
The lyrics sounds good, rhythm is good over all. Good job IMHO.
But u might wanna add another silmilar paragraph after this one
"Here I stand in the wind
with the stars up in the sky
Here I miss my mermaid,
and her sweet breath; "
for each section(two total, right?). Two verses + chorus "Wo...."
And maybe change some words at the end of some sentences to make it more.....
such as "melody", "seconds"
-expertune(伪劣);
2005-3-1
{457}
(#2152097@0)
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Thanks. I will try to add more.
-annayin(??);
2005-3-1
(#2152107@0)
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Don't take it seriously, I mean, Don't take my words seriously. That's just sort of popular format. Good songs are not "normal" anyway.
-expertune(伪劣);
2005-3-1
(#2152122@0)
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Yes. I know your meaning. Thanks.
-annayin(??);
2005-3-1
(#2152126@0)
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伪劣动手吧，写儿歌和情歌你最拿手。我只会写另类歌曲。
-blur(不安的流星，何时坠落);
2005-3-1
(#2152253@0)
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枫下传奇一点也不另类啊：）
-789(蓝草莓);
2005-3-1
(#2153249@0)
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我的一些看法和建议
-haha168(夜雨行路人);
2005-3-1
{665}
(#2152256@0)
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Changed a little, but how to make flat, flat, high... still need find my tune...
Thanks..
-annayin(??);
2005-3-1
{542}
(#2152280@0)
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In your mind,there will be a female song or male song?fast or slow?
-blur(不安的流星，何时坠落);
2005-3-1
(#2152287@0)
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male song, to call his love...
-annayin(??);
2005-3-1
(#2152299@0)
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male song ^_^, and first slow, then fast, i think ......
-haha168(夜雨行路人);
2005-3-1
(#2152300@0)
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还有些建议：（1）改的不错。
（2）依然是高潮合唱太多。这样整首歌似乎都是“Wo, Mermaid, come to my sea, ”缺乏起伏。
（3）“Wo, Mermaid, come to my sea, ” 虽然可以作为高潮重复句，但是重复了4次，觉得有些单调。可以尝试修改“Wo, Mermaid, ？？？？？？ ”
-haha168(夜雨行路人);
2005-3-1
{243}
(#2152295@0)
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Do not see the link list between Mermaid and "life is as onion and tea".
-tidy(大米虫);
2005-3-1
(#2152802@0)
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修改篇，，(是否最后一段不要?) 请提意见。。。谢谢
-annayin(??);
2005-3-2
{672}
(#2154113@0)
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very very very impressive! but i was a little bit sad with the end of the lyrics....emotional, but not as deeply as i had expected.....thanks for your endeavours.
-potatolover(吸血鬼);
2005-3-9
(#2169172@0)