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@Edmonton

The Blog of 若儿

The Series of Communication

My two cents about communication / blend-in in Canada

ruoer(乡下人)

Like any other language, you have to use it to learn it. Making a conversation in English is no different than making a conversation in Chinese. Unless you make the effort and take the initiative, nobody is going to bother coming to you. Communication is more than just learning the slangs and idioms. There are people who are poor communicaters in their mother tongue as well. No surprise they are having problems with the second language.

The topic has to be interesting to everyone. Start with something you feel comfortable with and control the conversation around that topic. I often find it is hard to struck a converstion with the younger age group. It seems like I have more in common with people 10+ years older than me. For either men or women, asking about their kids always get them talking. The new movies, vacation plans, investment, etc, all sorts of things you can talk about. I don't like the bar culture and am not interested any sports or pop stars, that is one reason I found it is hard to mix in the younger group. I will wait for them to grow older.

Participating in group acitivities helps build up the relationship and improve your conversation skills. I golf with a group people at work in the summer time. Golfing is a good sport, because you have to walk together most of the time, it is hard not to talk about something. I played volleyball with another group of people last winter. This is not as effective as golfing. I think I will move on to something else next winter. Maybe something that needs to take turns, people have to wait in line. That way we can chat as we wait.

I used to think taking courses would help me make local friends. It had been proved wrong. Unless you are very outgoing, nobody will come to talk to you. And the break between classes are only 10 or 15 minutes. I always end up making friends with the immigrants in the class, because they feel the same as me.

If you live in a house, your neighbours are always a source for friendship. Last year I wasn't around much, someone cleaned my driveway for me. I am planning to bring him a bottle of wine once I find out who he is.

Inviting people you like either from work or other venue of life to your house parties is another way to stengthen friendship. I have at least two house parties every summer. More cocktail/potluck style rather than having a feast. That way we get to talk. That said, I'm sure I will be invited to one or two house parties as well.

(#2888268@0)
Last Updated: 2006-4-6
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The Blog of 若儿

Replies, comments and Discussions:

  • 工作学习 / 事业与工作 / 在加拿大呆了几年后，就觉得英语很难提高了，请问大家如何跨过这个阶段性的门槛？ -yr2much(伟大的豪哥的哥); 2006-4-5 {443} (#2887530@0)
    这个本来应该贴在english论坛的，但因为和工作直接相关，就放到这边来了。试想一下，如果你和你的老板，同事很少交流，聊天，裁人的时候不裁你裁谁？

    目前的水平：和工作(IT)相关的对话没问题，广播没问题，和老外一对一就差一些，经常冷场。碰到和几个老外一起，就只有半猜半听了。

    请问大家有什么好的经验？比如说你用什么材料（电影？肥皂剧？或老外的聊天网站？）什么方式（请个外教？和老外交朋友？）怎么尽快的熟悉他们使用的俚语，典故，题材（体育，花边新闻）？
    • 首先离婚，然后再婚，不过不是吃回头草，而是老牛吃嫩草。。明白了？这样的话，你就天天说英语了，躺在被窝里也说英语了，一天24小时说英语了，就是做梦也说英语了。。。 -111111(快乐老家); 2006-4-5 (#2887680@0)
      • 老家别这么出主意，他家那位厉害 -remember_me_not(r-m-n); 2006-4-5 (#2887699@0)
        • ? how do u know -yr2much(伟大的豪哥的哥); 2006-4-7 {30} (#2892212@0)
          不厉害我也不吃，没精力啦。。。
    • sports is a good topic, like rapitor, yao, etc. Food is good too. and man loves politics. -headbig(Big Head); 2006-4-5 (#2887706@0)
    • 看来只能换老外做配偶了 -loiterincanada(aaron); 2006-4-6 (#2887855@0)
    • agree, i have the same problem too -sowen(sowen); 2006-4-6 (#2887880@0)
    • 我觉得熟悉俚语，典故基本是不太可能的,很多需要背景知识. -lazycat(Iloverockies); 2006-4-6 (#2887888@0)
    • My two cents about communication / blend-in in Canada -ruoer(乡下人); 2006-4-6 {2491} (#2888268@0)
      • this is really cool. -mbeaver(beaver); 2006-4-6 (#2888326@0)
      • You're down to earth. I tried the same ways before, such as taking an evening class, but to no avail. I did make a few local friends before, but then we couldn't keep along. -vista(Shukang); 2006-4-6 (#2888335@0)
      • aha, i think i have a gap with the young people too, i always have a hard time to understand what they are talking about, especially hockey, tv games, clubs, etc.... :( -sowen(sowen); 2006-4-6 (#2888715@0)
      • well written answers. but if it's a topic initiated by yourself, you are limiting yourself in areas (also vocabulary) that you are already comfortable with. -yr2much(伟大的豪哥的哥); 2006-4-7 {923} (#2892273@0)
        Plus, when you have a one on one talk, your partner talks much differently from the way he talks with his buddies. He will talk a bit slower, use words you can understand better, etc. The skills I think is much more important to me right now is the ability to catch whatever is being discussed/joked in a group when you are not the primary/only audience. So that you can follow up and fit into the group.

        In my team, often people don't even talk in form of group chatting. Everyone sits in their cube, without seeing each other, one may just throws out one or two short sentences about something that he just think of, an email he just received, or a story he just read on the Net. Then everyone else laughs or reponses and I, as you can image, got lost one way or another. THAT MAKES MELOOK REALLY STUPID.

        So i need to know what is going on around me as a listener but not neccessary an audience. Simple, but hard.
        • Everything starts small. If you have done a lot one to one or small group talk, you would be more familiar with their speed and accent. -ruoer(乡下人); 2006-4-8 {824} (#2892637@0)

          For them not to slow down and pick the simple words for you, the secret is you have to speak with their speed and accent. Eventually they won't even feel your language skill is different from theirs any more. Try a couple of slang words you just learned from them, they will laugh at first, but now you are with them.

          The cubical culture is unique. My office has open cubics, just turn my chair around, I can join the conversation. Lots of jokes are insider jokes to the group, not necessary slang or idioms. Pay a little more attention to what's happening around you, you should be able to catch up. Don't feel intimidated to ask: "What's so funny?" every once a while. Depend on your working environment, you can walk to other people's cubic to chat with them as well. People in my office do that all the time.

    • 几个老外，我就让他们说慢点儿。没听懂我就问。 -richjohn(Dou Ni Wan'er); 2006-4-7 {62} (#2890800@0)
      说实话，他们对我问的古怪问题很是感兴趣。大家凭空增加了不少笑料
      • 当成笑料还这么开心，国人啊。 -wallstreetkiller(华尔街杀手); 2006-4-7 (#2891023@0)
        • 别变着法自卑了。我同事说好笑的东西我听不懂的时候，他们就让我说，I'm a Chinese, I don't know what the heck you're talking about...其实一点恶意没有的。你难道在中国就没有嘲笑过外地人口音么。 -wireless_mouse(无线小滑鼠); 2006-4-7 (#2891029@0)
          • 嘲笑啊，心里还嘀咕，这帮乡巴佬傻冒。 -wallstreetkiller(华尔街杀手); 2006-4-7 (#2891087@0)
            • 其实，有时候傻点挺好的。真的。 -qgomle(时光倒流); 2006-4-7 (#2892225@0)
      • Good attitude. No need to be too self-conscious. It took me a long time to overcome it, untill one day someone told me "Nobody will remember what you said wrong - you are not that important." -ruoer(乡下人); 2006-4-7 (#2891114@0)
    • 包个本地小蜜，没别的法了。 -zzbsb(friends); 2006-4-7 (#2890836@0)
    • 我以为就我一个人有这个问题呢，原来大家都有这个困惑 -smilodon(欠费开机); 2006-4-7 (#2891070@0)
    • 岁数过了,只能只望下辈子或下一代了. -linux(_); 2006-4-9 (#2895235@0)
    • 同感，碰到和几个老外一起，就只有半猜半听了，困惑，困惑，困惑 -kyzh(芳草); 2006-4-12 (#2900864@0)

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