应对是需要技巧的，Do as Romans do. 3. 知道技巧后，要练习。事前花点时间练习应对总比事后后悔生气好。4. 明白abuser的动机，即：When someone speaks to you in an abusive way, they are trying to control your behavior. They want you to react by getting upset. They are trying to force you to pay attention to them and to give them power. 5.回应abuser 的两句最适用的简单又有效的话， "I would be happy to talk to you about this (issue), but I am not going to speak to you when you are yelling/insulting me/threatening me/putting me down/ speaking in a sarcastic tone of voice." 如果对方说他只是开玩笑，你可以说"I don't like that joke, and I am not interested in talking to you when you talk to me like that." 或者直接说 “I don't like that f*/stupid joke, I am not interested.” 时不时练习练习。

很多年前在芝加哥机场等飞机，一个人对柜台的工作人员讲话不礼貌，但是柜台的工作人员直接当着那个人的面说到 "Don't talk to me like that." 即严肃又有力。那个人马上就安静了。

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